Details

Here I am again, turning up at the page.

I know it’s been a few days since I wrote anything down, but there’s been a lot going on on the inside. David graduated on Saturday after a 12-year arduous battle against systems and prejudice. His battle for his study to be recognised and not ignored looks very much on the outside like my battle against systems of abuse and familial prejudice on the inside.

It is easy for people to ignore the weight of what he has endured and achieved, and to just see a piece of paper and a photo at the end of it. Likewise, it is easy for people to ignore the weight of what I have endure and achieved despite my parents’ and brother’s and others’ attempts to sabotage my forward progress. Many look on and say, “Oh, but your kids are so well-behaved” as if they were born like that (!!!). Many rudely label us ‘mad’ for having four children. It is easy to point fingers and pick holes when you don’t know the full story. I have been putting up with verbal abuse over the assumed origins of my journey with Ella for the past decade; few have ever bothered to ask what was really behind the painful decisions and choices I made and was forced to make. As I said to a friend this afternoon: there is always at least one more detail you don’t know about somebody. I know it’s easy to judge when you think you have all the facts. I know I have to stop and make sure I’m not trying to judge. Sometimes I am judgmental without trying to be. Sometimes I knowingly am. The point is, your whole perspective can be changed irrevocably by the revelation of one tiny detail. Go look for the details, people.